I was supposed to get married today.

At the time of writing this, I would’ve been sipping mimosas with my bridesmaids and my three moms (or, probably more realistically, just drinking champagne straight from the bottle) while getting our hair and makeup done.

I would be nervous and excited and stressed and giddy and all the emotions.

I would be watching my vendors set up and wondering what Antonio was doing/thinking/feeling.

I would be practicing my choreographed father/daughter dance in my head, over and over again.

I would be surrounded by the females I love the most.

I would be in the middle of the most beautiful rainforest on the most beautiful island.

I would be so incredibly happy. (And probably a little sunburned. And maybe a little tipsy.)

Mother nature apparently didn’t like that plan, however.

Hurricane Maria destroyed the island of Puerto Rico, and with it, my dream wedding.

The past month has been so difficult. Antonio and I have gone through the process of canceling a wedding that we spent so much time and energy (and money) on over the past year and a half. All while watching his family and friends on the island go through the aftermath of such a horrible disaster.

Now, one month post-Maria, they’re still without power and running water and easy access to basic resources like food and gas. It’s a humanitarian disaster of epic proportions.

And, canceling our wedding has been a personal disaster of epic proportions. It was my dream wedding. It was to be held at a stunning Spanish hacienda in the middle of El Yunque rainforest. It was full of the decor, details, and aesthetics that would make any wedding photographer swoon. It was so perfect for us.

Today is hard.

I’m still caught up in how unfair it is that I help so many people have wonderful weddings, yet I don’t get to have my own. I’m still sad and angry and probably (most definitely) just being a big ol’ brat. But, what makes today a little easier is knowing that I have Antonio by my side. We may not get to walk up the aisle together as husband and wife today, but we will be walking through Columbus together hand in hand tonight (and probably shaking our asses together on the dance floor, just as we had planned).

I couldn’t ask for a better partner and friend. A more kind, gentle, and giving man. I wouldn’t want to go through this, or anything else in life, without him by my side.

Antonio makes me a better person. He calms me, energizes me, strengthens me. He supports me in everything I do (even the terrible ideas). He laughs at and with me. He wipes my tears (there’s been a lot of that lately). He even follows me around the world, which is a feat on it’s own.

I’m so thankful for him.

I’m so thankful for us.

All photos by Seth & Beth Wedding Photography